Sunday, 6 January 2013


NB: Some people have complained that my sentences are too long so they get lost in the middle of them, can't remember the beginning and don't have a clue what's going on. I appreciate this constructive criticism. Today i'm experimenting with 'asterisks'.

NEWS OF THE WORLD! NEWS OF THE WORLD! Sarah "you are actually really normal"* Collings is back where she belongs (i.e. where the Schnitzels are!). (*This goes out to all the haters, and is a DIRECT QUOTE from a genuine Austria resident.) After a predictably complicated journey, I'm happy to say I am back in my Austrian bed, just chilling with the heating on. Yes, I know it's three pm, but I had a long day yesterday, OKAY MUM!?!?

I had the best New Year's and Christmas ever. Being home with the family was just WUNDERBAR! Especially after three months of 'intense loneliness and isolation' [University of Manchester, 2011]. I saw lots of friends, gave a few autographs* out to some of my fans (*aka Christmas cards), drank Strongbow, ate curry etcetc all the classic Christmas things. I also turned into a 21 year old young lady, I had a little partyyy and it was the best New Year's Eve I've ever had, so thanks for everyone who came, and especially to my mummy who refrained from getting too drunk too soon so she could drive me into town. She drove so fast over the speed bumps around West Park, my stomach churns just thinking about it.

I left three hours to get to Birmingham International in order to fly back to Linz, which was more time than I left to get to Stanstead last year, and allowed me enough time to have my third, and final, Whetherspoons meal of the festive season. My plane back to Austria was scheduled quite late in the evening. This caused a bit of a kerfuffle as it meant there were no more trains out of Linz, and therefore no possible way to get home. Additionally, due to the complete logistical incompetence of Lufthansa, my luggage was delayed in Frankfurt (my suitcase has spent more time in Frankfurt than my entire family has in our lifetimes). This meant I had NO CLOTHES and NO PLACE TO SLEEP! I suddenly totally understood how that guy felt when he sang "I was cold, I was naked, were you there? Were you there?..........When I needed a shelter, WERE YOU THERE?"  I assume this man either is Jesus, or is talking to Jesus, and, either way, Jesus himself appeared before me in the form of two friendly Austrian ladies at the airport. One gave me a free toiletries bag!!! I'm talking about toothbrushes, toothpaste, hairbrush, cotton buds, deodorant  even a free T-shirt!  Basically all this stuff that I now no longer need to buy myself for about ten days! The other lady booked me a taxi and a hostel room.

Peter, the taxi driver, made me sit in the front seat. He was a small ferrety man who was BEYOND camp. He couldn't believe I'd missed all the trains. He kept saying "that amazes me. That is incredible." He was very interested to find out I was English. He told me he had only been  a taxi driver for ten years.

"What did you do before?" I asked, politely.

"I used to drive post buses. And before that I did [random German word] ...."
I didn't understand what his previous job was, so asked him again. He turned away from the road and grinned at me.

"DRUGS!" he declared, in English. This spooked me a bit, but the taxi was only costing 5 euros so I decided to stay chilled.

The hostel gave me the heebiejeebies*, so I listened to my generic mp3 player until I nodded off. (*Spell check thinks I meant to write cheeseboards! But I meant heebiejeebies so i just clicked 'ignore') In the morning I got free tea, coffee, fruit and cold meats! All included in the price! Additionally I discovered the the whole city of Linz is provided with a free WiFi connection, provided by the council. How great is that!?

I shall leave you with two positive, new year's thoughts. Firstly, it turns out my German is considerably better than I remembered it to be! I still don't know my adjectival endings, or the genders of any words apart from 'door', 'train' and 'house', but me and Peter had a right old chinwag (until he started talking about drugs). Secondly, in-depth facebook stalking has taught me one thing. The only difference between people who are  living the dream and normal people like us, is that people who are living the dream are enjoying themselves. So if you can force yourself to enjoy yourself, you're also living the dream!!!! This is what I tried to tell myself as I lay, petrified, on my creaky hostel bed last night, where I could hear a group of youths laughing and drinking EVEN THOUGH THE RECEPTIONIST had told me that I was the only person there!!!! WHERE DID THAT LAUGHTER COME FROM!?!?! WHO WAS LAUGHING!?!?!!? #scary "You're enjoying yourself", I told myself. "You are living the dream." Of course, I didn't say it out loud in case they heard me and came and killed me.

seeing as there are no pictures, here is my favourite song of 2012! HAPPY NEW YEAR

byeeee! xxoxoxo

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